Back in the 1800s people broke in their jeans the honest way–tearing them on barbed wire fences while rustling cattle. Then one day a woman who didn’t worry about sending her kid out with “dirty dingy underwear” added rocks instead of softener to the wash. Thus stone washed jeans was born … or at any rate that’s how I imagine the idea was born. The only problem with this new fashion statement was that clothing manufacturers probably had to hire people to pick pebbles out of the pockets. This lead researchers to develop enzymes that munch on cotton fibers and release indigo dye. As I recall from chemistry labs, enzymes can be developed to munch on any specific protein molecule you want. Think of the possibilities. We could finally rid the earth of black velvet art–or Baby Uh-Ohs.
What is a “Baby Uh-Oh”, you ask. In the 1980s or 90s the geniuses over at some toy company (Hasbro I think) “gave birth” to two dolls: Baby Eat ‘N Grow and Baby Uh-Oh who wet her diaper and developed diaper rash. I have this bizarre image of a salesman stuck in a traffic jam driving a car stuffed with these cuties–and maybe a few others, such as Baby Back Seat Driver and Baby Belcher.
That’s it. I just had these weird thoughts and I thought I’d share them with the world.