Author Archives: Theresa McCracken

About Theresa McCracken

T- McCracken is a cartoonist living outside of Waldport, Oregon. She is also writer, historian and naturalist.

The Pole Vaulting Whale

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A Modern Fable

Once upon a time a whale qualified for the United States Olympics Pole Vaulting Team. The Russians objected and accused the U.S. of exploiting a dumb fish for capitalistic purposes.

The whale said in song that he wasn’t a fish, that he was a mammal, and that he wasn’t dumb. To prove the latter he sang Hamlet’s soliloquy. A judging panel of Shakespearian scholars gave him a score of 2 saying it wasn’t the worst recitation they’d ever heard, but it was flawed due to improper inflection. Continue reading →

I Hate Computer Updates

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Sometime in the late 1960s or early ‘70s when I was at East Lansing High School we learned how to use a slide ruler and—no joke—went on a field trip to see a computer.

When I was a freshman at the University of Michigan in 1974 I was one of only a handful of students who had a calculator in my introductory physics class. It was a Texas Instrument SR-10, a graduation gift from my parents that could add, subtract, multiply and divide. Such calculating power! And it only cost a little over $100, about a quarter of what U of M then charged instate students per semester. Continue reading →

My Day at the Oregon Insane Asylum

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Sometime this winter I will get my fifteen minutes of fame—well, after editing, probably three minutes of fame leaving me 12 minutes for some later date. Last month I got a call from Mark Kachelries, a producer with the Travel Channel’s TV series, Mysteries at the Museum. In each show Don Wildman, putting on his best Indiana Jones persona, tells stories and interspersed through out are historic reenactments and comments from experts. Mark wondered if they could interview me.

Mysteries at The Museum

I’m an expert on something? I know what you’re thinking. “She’s obviously lost it. Do they still send out men in white to cart people to the insane asylum?” Continue reading →

New Yorker Rejects

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The New Yorker Has Stopped Sending Me Rejection Slips … Sort Of

“Of course I draw for the New Yorker” is the reply I give to the question I’m most often asked as a cartoonist, “but they’ve never bought anything of mine.”

When I started cartooning professionally in 1981 I submitted a batch of cartoons  to the New Yorker every week for a few years. At the time I thought they were great, but now I can see that most were terrible. I stopped submitting to them when I started only drawing commissioned work.

Last month for the first time in decades I drew a batch of ‘toons for my own amusement, bought 200 large envelopes, and hired a monk scribe. Monk scribes are cheaper than ink cartridges because you need only keep them in wine. Any kind of wine will do: even my friend’s unpalatable but potent home brew. Continue reading →

Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 20

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Paul Clerc’s Response

Over the past nineteen days I’ve written a detailed account of my experience with Watermelon Web Works, the company that redesigned my web site.

At about 6:00 p.m. on February 10, 2015, one week before I posted Part 1 of this series, I sent Paul Clerc, Watermelon’s top web guru, an advance copy of the blog posts. I said I would post any comments he had in their entirety and unedited. Continue reading →

Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 19

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Asking Paul to Comment

On February 10, 2015, I sent this email to Paul Clerc, Watermelon Web Works top web guru.

Dear Paul:

In my next email I am attaching a draft of a series of twenty blog posts titled: Watermelon Web Works Review. I am posting Part 1 on February 17, the one-year anniversary of my new site going live.

I am still editing the posts, fixing typos, tweaking this, tweaking that, and trying to inject as much humor as I can in what is otherwise a sad story, but the gist will stay the same. Continue reading →