Maybe I Could Move to the Congo
By August 14, 2014, I had paid Watermelon Web Works $7923.30 in designer fees.
Since my redesigned web site went live on February 17 (178 days earlier) it had netted $64.55, about what Watermelon charges for 46 minutes of their time.
The site was netting 36.3¢ a day, about what Watermelon charges for 15 seconds of their time.
At this rate it would only take me 59 years 9 months 2 weeks 3 days 16 hours 32 minutes and 23 seconds to recoup my investment. But who’s counting? Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 15
Two Days Lost
I spent much of the July 2013 in Norway visiting my brother Peter and his family. Peter, Alex, his seven-year-old son, and I stopped at a café on the way to the airport shuttle. Alex ordered a single scoop of ice cream.
“Is that all you want?” I asked. “It’s on me. You can have more. We won’t tell your mom. How about a banana split?”
“What’s a banana split?” he asked.
“You’ve never bought this child a banana split!” I said to my brother.
“Look at the price,” he said.
Yowza: 230 Kroner, about $30! Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 14
Paul Doesn’t Appreciate My Attitude
On July 22, 2014, I emailed my web designers, Watermelon Web Works, about a pricing glitch that caused some of my few customers to be overcharged. This was the fourth time this particular problem had happened. Watermelon repeatedly said that what caused the glitches was my editing something called “attributes” on cartoon product pages. I repeatedly told them I had made no such edits.
They replied they were looking for a way to fix this “in an affordable manor [sic].”
I replied: Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 13
In Google’s Crosshairs
On June 29, 2014, I emailed Paul Clerc, Watermelon Web Works head guru, and asked if I could get a partial refund of the $7,802.97 I had paid them to redesign my site. In the five-and-a-half months since the new site went live it was visited under 600 times, netted $159.89, and I had no new cartoons commissioned.
In the same period a year earlier, February 17 to June 29, the site was visited over 200,000 times, I netted $8,350, and I had dozens of cartoons commissioned.
On July 2 Paul replied to my email: Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 12
The Blame Game
On June 8, 2014, I sold two cartoons from my site for a total of $40. The transaction went smoothly: the customer was charged the correct amount and was able to instantly download the cartoons as soon as he paid for them. The cyber Gods were with me that day.
On June 11 I sold one cartoon for $15, and the customer was able to instantly download the cartoon. At least that part of the transaction went as it was supposed to.
I looked at my merchant’s receipt: The customer had checked that he was going to use the cartoon in multiple presentations. I charge $15 to use a cartoon in one presentation, $30 to use it in multiple presentations.
Perhaps the cyber Gods were distracted mid-transaction by a new cat video being uploaded. Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 11
My Customers Are Overcharged
On May 13, 2014, I sold one cartoon for $50.
I examined my merchant’s receipt and realized the customer had been overcharged.
I immediately emailed her: “I only charge $15 for use in presentations. I’ll figure out how to rebate you the $35. I just relaunched the site, and there have been glitches.”
She graciously replied: “Thanks very much, I feel it is worth 50 bucks. I have been looking for this exact humor for 3 hours so please, keep the 50 and THANK YOU!”
I replied: “Wow! The money is appreciated in that my relaunched website has been beset by problems and you’re my first sale in over a week. If you find two other cartoons you want, let me know and you can have them too.” Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 10
A Wrecking Ball Hits My Site
My website, redesigned by Watermelon Web Works, was visited seven times during the week of April 15-21, 2014. Six of those visits were from me.
Watermelon had hired two external consultants to “audit” the site to figure out why Google hated the new site. Changes were “implemented” on April 15. Paul Clerc, Watermelon’s top web guru, said it would probably take four weeks for Google to “reindex the site and re-apply the algorithms to it.”
One week down, three very long weeks to go.
I wrote Paul Clerc: “I’m sure it will all work out, but it is nerve wracking.” Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 9
My Site is Lost in Cyberspace
When I was in high school in the early 1970s we learned how to use a slide ruler and, no joke, went on a field trip to see a computer.
About thirty years later, sometime in early 2000, I uploaded my first web pages to www.pioneer.net/~mchumor. The name just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it? It was free web space my Internet-provider, pioneer.net, provided. Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 8
The Reluctant Blogger
In April 2014 Watermelon Web Works hired two external consultants to figure out why Google hated the site they had redesigned for me.
One of the consultants’ conclusions was that Google penalized the site because it had “thin content.”
The site had 4,200 cartoons on it. What did they mean it had “thin content”?
Google, according to Watermelon, likes blog posts. Lots and lots of them.
Blogs, according to Paul Clerc, Watermelon’s top web guru, were “like candy to Google.”
And cartoons? They were like boiled Brussels sprouts to Google? Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 7
There were many days in April 2014 when my web site had no visitors. I had no shortage of bills, though, especially from my web designers, Watermelon Web Works.
On April 5 Watermelon sent an invoice for $467.50 for work I had paid for in February. This was the second time I was double-billed. Continue reading Watermelon Web Works Review: Part 6