I had my physical and everything checked out. Dang.
I was hoping to be recommended for some experimental surgery akin to a full-body transplant.
Once when I was giving blood the nurse asking questions to screen out folks with possible diseases asked … well, I can’t remember what she actually asked, but at the time I thought she asked, “Have you had a brain transplant in the last six months?” “No,” I said, but do tell me more.” No doubt this proved in her mind that I had mad cow disease.
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Then there was the time I thought I must have misheard the doctor, but I hadn’t. I was getting vaccinations before going to Africa, including one for typhoid. At the time the flu was going around and after stabbing me the doctor said, “If you don’t feel well later, don’t worry. You don’t have the flu. You have a mild case of typhoid.” A mild case of typhoid? Frankly, I think I’d prefer the flu.
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And the flu would have been far preferable to what I did contract in Africa: filariasis, better known as elephantiasis. The doctor who treated me back in the States said, “To be honest, having never treated anything like this before, I want to check with the Center for Disease Control before proceeding.” While waiting to hear back from him I looked up filariasis in an old medical encyclopedia (this was pre-internet) and my memory of what the treatment options were was something like, “Amputation, followed by death.”
Fortunately, there are now drugs to treat the condition, so I lived to write the tale … but I’ll save that for a future blog.
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