“It’s important that a plant pass five tests before eating it. Test number #5: you live to tell about it. You can eat anything once.”
That was from some botany class-notes I wrote in college, notes that are now in my scrap paper bin.
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Unfortunately, I can’t find the notes listing tests one through four.
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More From My Notes:
“Be sure to extinguish your cigar before treating cows with bloat, a condition bovine get if they eat too much clover too fast in the spring. Run up to an afflicted cow, take careful aim with a sharp scalpel, jab the stomach, and jump back as a green gas was expelled. A whole Indian tribe was wiped out from the bloat.”
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My notes didn’t say whether the Indians died due to exploding cows or from eating clover too fast. Like most in the 1970s I smoked something in college, I even inhaled, but it certainly wasn’t a cigar.
“Water hemlock is sweet tasting and kills quickly. It’s a horrid way to go with convulsions that are so violent they break bones.”
No mention of how they know it’s sweet tasting “Hey, you! Yeah, the one convulsing over there. Quick, before you die. What does it taste like?”
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I thought only your mother smoked non-cigars when you were in college.
Actually, the first time I smoked a “non-cigar” was when I was in college and my mother and I were invited to tea with several of her students. At some point one of the students pulled out a “non-cigar” and I thought, “Holy S@#$t. My mother’s here.” The student inhaled and passed the “non-cigar” to the student next to her who also inhaled and then passed it on to my mother. My mother then inhaled the “non-cigar” and passed it on to me. Ah, the 70s.