I drew the book cover and several cartoons for Disorder in the Court: Legal Laughs, Court Jests, and Just Jokes Culled From the Nation’s Justice System published in 1996 by the National Court Reporters Association.

It’s a series of courtroom bloopers culled by court reporters from transcripts, or as they call them, “Transquips.”

Here are a few of them.

FEDERAL JUDGE: This seems like a fairly simple problem. Let’s not make a federal case out of it.

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Q. Are you familiar with the Manual of Uniform Traffic Control Devices?

A. Yes, I am.

Q. What does that manual say about trimming trees around a stop sign?

A. I don’t know, quite honestly. As I understand it, at least five times as many attorneys purchase that manual as traffic engineers, so you would be more familiar with it than I am.

THE COURT: Could you run through that list of stuff again? The mixer, microwave, et cetera.

WIFE’S COUNSEL: It is a VCR, a CD player, a mixer, walkie-talkie, microwave, tape player, half of the CDs and tapes, and the cables which attach to those items.

THE COURT: Is the microwave and mixer on there?

WIFE’S COUNSEL: No, the mixer would have to do with the stereo system, not the typical kitchen mixer.

THE COURT: Was there a microwave?

WIFE’S COUNSEL: There was a microwave.

THE COURT: That’s not the name of an album, is it?

JUDGE: Well, gentlemen of the jury, are you unanimous?

FOREMAN: Yes, your Honor, we’re all alike—temporarily insane.

Q. How many trucks do you own?

A. Seventeen.

Q. Seventy?

A. Seventeen?

A. No. About twelve.

Disorder in the Court is still available on Amazon, but whereas its list price was $14.95 when it was published in 1996, a new copy now sells for $39.95, and used copies prices range from $34.35 to $2,207.54. $2,207.54?! There’s a blog in there somewhere.

More Legal Cartoons that can be used in presentations, magazines, websites, books, etc. We don’t recommend you use them during closing arguments, though.