Part Two of an article I wrote for Classic Car Magazine in 1990 interspersed with some of my driving cartoons.
Category Archives: humor
Slug Sex
Last week’s blog post titled Mushroom Sex got more hits than any other page on my website.
I doubt it would have done as well with the titled Fungi Reproduction. That’s why this post is titled Slug Sex, not “The Mating Habits of the Ariolimax columbianus?” I do want readers. Plus, while slugs may be slow, the way mate is pretty racy.
A common rule in nature is that if a creature is smaller than you, eat it; if it’s bigger than you, run from it; and if it’s the same size as you, mate with it. Continue reading
Slightly Warped Notes from a Botany Class
“It’s important that a plant pass five tests before eating it. Test number #5: you live to tell about it. You can eat anything once.”
That was from some botany class-notes I wrote in college, notes that are now in my scrap paper bin.
License Forestry Cartoon 1818
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What Political Cartoons & Photography Cartoons Have In Common
I don’t draw political cartoons for various reasons.
The main one is that they don’t make much sense a few years, if not a few days, later. Half of my current income comes from commissions. The other half comes from reselling old cartoons.
Would you buy a cartoon about Edwin Meese? “Who?” I assume most of you are asking. He was Ronald Reagan’s Attorney General. I hope most of you at least have a vague notion of who Ronald Reagan was. Anyway, even though I’m the one who drew these two cartoons about Meese in the 1980s, I can’t tell you what incident they’re about. I’m assuming they were once funny. I was paid for them. Continue reading
Trying to Photograph A Puppy & Lots of Dog & Cat Cartoons
“Why are there no more pictures of your puppy on your blog?”
That’s what many of you have asked. Well, truthfully, no one has asked that. I mean that’d be like asking a new grandparent to see pictures of their grandchild. Only a masochist poses such a request. Or a really really good friend.
Sammy Adorable
The other reason I haven’t posted any pictures of my adorable fur ball, Sammy, is that he is in constant motion. I took over 500 photos to get the above one. Most photos I’ve taken look something like this.
Sammy on one of his slower days.
My cat, Squeaky, on the other hand can sometimes be mistaken for being a catatonic.
My cat Squeaky showing some signs of life.
“Ha, ha,” Squeaky tells me via mental telepathy. “Puns, the lowest form of humor next to dead baby jokes. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I am. Mea culpa.
To make it up to you, here are some dog and cat cartoons. When shown to lab rats, nine out of ten of them died laughing. Squeaky ate the 10th one.
License Insurance Cartoon 7355
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License Contractor Cartoon 7912
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License Carpentry Cartoon 6975
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License Dog Cartoon 1548
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License Plumbing Cartoon 7038
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License Cat Cartoon 3490
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License Disabled Cartoon 2709
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License Cat Cartoon 6895
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License Running Cartoon 3429
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License Dog Cartoon 5398
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License Pet Cartoon 6756
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More Dog and Cat cartoons are so cheap you can use them for paper training and as kitty litter.
Llamas, Slugs, Ducks, Geese, Dogs, Poop & Worms
My puppy, Sammy, ate a cantaloupe-size clump of llama wool in one gulp the other morning.
Fret not. No llamas were attached to the clump. My neighbors, Toni and Paul, run a llama rescue operation. Just a few months after moving here from urban southern California they said I had to come over to see what they got at the Lincoln County Fair. I figured they’d bought some homemade pies or maybe splurged on a quilt.
License 3474 Llama Cartoon
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Mushroom Sex
I was surprised to learn that Charles Darwin’s daughter, Henrietta, was a prude.
She did her best to rid her patch of stinkhorn mushrooms. Their Latin name, Phallus impudicus, gives an indication why a prude wouldn’t like them. Even a kid from Waldport whose Latin doesn’t extend beyond E Pluribus Unum can get a pretty good idea what this particular “fruiting body” looks like. Fruiting body is what they call the part of a mushroom you can see. Some are limp. Some are erect.
License Mushroom Cartoon 9145
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A Letter to Google’s Senior VP of Humor about Web Design
This is a letter I snail mailed to Google Today.
Senior Vice President of Humor
Google Inc.
1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, CA 94043
Dear Lover of Mirth:
I didn’t see a Senior Vice President of Humor on your management team web page, but I’m assuming any company that has Doodles must have lovers of mirth. Continue reading
Weather & Topless Beaches in Oregon
The Oregon coast has topless beaches in that if you’re feeling particularly frisky, feel free to take off your sweatshirt. I feel practically nude if I’m not wearing a sweatshirt.
When it’s 100° inland, it’s often foggy and windy on the beach because cold air is sucked off the ocean.
“Honey, it’s 100° in Portland,” I imagine someone saying, “but only 50° in Yachats. Let’s spend the weekend on the beach.” They come wearing shorts and flip-flops and since it’s 50° they buy a coastal sweatshirt. Continue reading
Tampons in Africa
I’ve often thought there should be an Indiana Jane screenplay were the heroine saves the day by stuffing a tampon in a leaking dam.
I got the idea while living in an old trailer where the only running water was rain leaking through the roof.
One night I saw a mouse scurrying out of the bathroom with a tampon in it’s mouth. “Wait,” I shouted. “Aren’t you worried about toxic shock syndrome?”
