Author Archives: Theresa McCracken

About Theresa McCracken

T- McCracken is a cartoonist living outside of Waldport, Oregon. She is also writer, historian and naturalist.

A Facebook Exchange Between a Liberal and a Conservative

Posted on by

A recent post one of my best childhood friends, Ginny, shared on Facebook depressed me beyond belief. The post had photo of a protestor holding a sign, “You are on Stolen Native American and Mexican Land.” Beneath the photo a yellow minion says, “Wrong! All of human history is one group of people conquering another and seizing their land. That’s just how humans did it for thousands of years. White Europeans just happened to be the best at it. Everything you enjoy in your life in modern America you owe to those settlers and pioneers (NOT IMMIGRANTS) who braved a vast, uncharted land and conquered it. We have no reason to feel guilty and We owe you Nothing.” The post was from a site called Fuck Liberals.

I replied: “Wow. I don’t even know how to respond to such a statement. ‘Conquering another and seizing their land. … White Europeans just happen to be the best at it.’ You’re proud of that?” Continue reading →

The Corkscrew & The New Manager

Posted on by
The Drift Inn's Only Corkscrew

The Drift Inn’s Only Corkscrew

I haven’t had much time to cartoon since I became a manager of the Drift Inn in January, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had lots of laughs. Sometimes I feel as though I’m in the middle of a sitcom and Candid Cameras must be lurking somewhere. Take this exchange from the other evening:

“We need more corkscrews,” Tamara, one of our servers said to me during a dinner rush.

“How many do we have?” I asked.

“One.”

“Shouldn’t a restaurant that has a storeroom filled floor to ceiling with wine bottles have more than one corkscrew?” I asked.
Continue reading →

2017 in Review

Posted on by

December 2017, Waldport, Oregon

Dear Friends and Family,

10:16 am August 21st was one of the highlights of my year, the moment the moon totally blotted out the sun in my backyard. The lead up to the eclipse was pretty amazing too. “What about the dead bodies?” a local asked. “They’re expecting millions here. Statistically, the number of people who die per million daily must outnumber the number of refrigerators the morgue has.” In the end, only a few thousand came to our county of 45,000. None died that I know of. I think people were scared off by expectations of Highway 101 turning into a parking lot and a 50% chance of clouds. I’m decorating my Christmas tree with Eclipse Glasses. Continue reading →

Mad Marshmallow Disease & Other Fireside Stories

Posted on by

“What do you really do at the hotel?” is one of the questions I was asked most often this summer at the Overleaf Lodge.

“This is it,” I’d say. “Giving a nature walk and then watching the sunset and whales while tending a camp fire and passing out the fixings for s’mores. Those are my only jobs at the hotel.” Continue reading →

Waldport Solar Eclipse Report

Posted on by
2017 08 21 Eclipse Facebook Photo

August 21, 2017, Eclipse Photo

When I woke this morning and saw gray out my window I thought, “Rats. Should have joined the masses who drove east.” August 21st mornings in Waldport, Oregon historically have been cloudy 50% of the time.

Sammy, not understanding my malaise, wanted his usual morning romp, so like most other mornings I poured a cup of coffee into a travel mug and walked the half-mile to the Alsea Bay. When I got there it was so foggy I couldn’t see the bridge. Double rats.

I turned around and could see something shining through the clouds and snapped a picture. Continue reading →

The Pole Vaulting Whale

Posted on by

A Modern Fable

Once upon a time a whale qualified for the United States Olympics Pole Vaulting Team. The Russians objected and accused the U.S. of exploiting a dumb fish for capitalistic purposes.

The whale said in song that he wasn’t a fish, that he was a mammal, and that he wasn’t dumb. To prove the latter he sang Hamlet’s soliloquy. A judging panel of Shakespearian scholars gave him a score of 2 saying it wasn’t the worst recitation they’d ever heard, but it was flawed due to improper inflection. Continue reading →

Building a Grandfather Clock Without Killing My Grandparents

Posted on by

The arrest of Ahmed Mohamed, the fourteen-year-old who brought a homemade clock to school, made me think of the time I built a clock at my grandparent’s place. I wasn’t arrested, but that’s only because I didn’t follow through on my thoughts of grand-patricide.

Continue reading →

I Hate Computer Updates

Posted on by

Sometime in the late 1960s or early ‘70s when I was at East Lansing High School we learned how to use a slide ruler and—no joke—went on a field trip to see a computer.

When I was a freshman at the University of Michigan in 1974 I was one of only a handful of students who had a calculator in my introductory physics class. It was a Texas Instrument SR-10, a graduation gift from my parents that could add, subtract, multiply, and divide. Such calculating power! And it only cost a little over $100, about a quarter of what U of M then charged in-state students per semester. Continue reading →

My Day at the Oregon Insane Asylum

Posted on by
Child At The Asylum

Child Visiting The Asylum

Sometime this winter I will get my fifteen minutes of fame—well, after editing, probably three minutes of fame leaving me 12 minutes for some later date. Last month I got a call from Mark Kachelries, a producer with the Travel Channel’s TV series, Mysteries at the Museum. In each show Don Wildman, putting on his best Indiana Jones persona, tells stories and interspersed throughout are historic reenactments and comments from experts. Mark wondered if they could interview me.

Mysteries at The Museum

I’m an expert on something? I know what you’re thinking. “She’s obviously lost it. Do they still send out men in white to cart people to the insane asylum?” Continue reading →